Ask Gabby Gayle


By Gayle Lagman-Creswick

Dear Gabby Gayle: Regarding your column a couple months ago, where someone took umbrage at your mention of giving a kid a swat on the bottom once in awhile.

(I was recalling a childhood memory of getting a swat on the behind for stealing a tricycle at age 5). I think that is why too many kids are discipline problems nowadays.  When we were kids we got spankings. There were guns in the closet. We knew not to touch them without an adult’s okay or we’d really get it.

There were cleaning chemicals under the kitchen sink. If you touched that cupboard you got a swat on the hand. We knew the painful consequences of not following rules. So we (mostly) obeyed our parents. If we really made Momma mad, we had to wait in our rooms while she calmed down enough to give us a controlled spanking. The waiting was worse than the spanking! I spanked my kids and they are good, kind, considerate adults. I don’t think a swat is out of line.  Signed, AM

Dear AM:  I raised seven kids, and I will have to say that the younger were raised differently than the first ones, because the times changed, and the parenting reading said do not hit your children.. I listened to that and I would have to say that it appears the older ones are more industrious, considerate, harder working, and have more of a sense of right and wrong. Whether it was from a stricter method, I can only guess. One thing I can say that I learned for sure: children have to know there is a consequence for every behavior, and consistency is very important.  Thanks for writing. GG

Dear Gabby Gayle:  I seem to be at a crossroads in my life. I am in my late 70’s and chronically ill. I look around and I can only see that my doctors are very adept at keeping us alive. That is medicine it seems. Keep people alive at all costs. Never mind the quality of that life. It seems that medical science has made huge strides in almost every field. New joints, new organs, etc. I am all for the advances that help us live healthier and more mobile.  What is bothering me is when do I say enough already. I don’t want anymore treatment just to keep me alive without the quality of life. It is hard to know where to draw the line on treatment. Signed, BW

Dear BW: You have brought up a very deep subject that we could spend hours discussing. It is true that medical science has made huge strides in keeping us alive. I am starting to ask myself. Do I want to be kept alive so I can spend my last days in a nursing facility or in and out of the hospital? My advice is this: You have the right to call your own shots. You do not have to have treatments. Your can refuse any treatment or medicine—it is your right.  We get caught up in the system as if we have no say, but we do. I think more and more of us will be exercising those rights! Good luck. GG

Dear Gabby Gayle: I am in my mid-fifties and just back into the dating scene after being widowed five years ago. I have met a few men with whom I would love to be friends, but I do not have any romantic feelings toward them. It seems none of them understand that and they want to become intimate. Am I expecting too much?Is friendship between a man and a woman obsolete? Signed, BR

Dear BR: Having met two men on a dating sight that I have been friends with for quite a long time, I know there are men out there who feel like you do and would not expect to become intimate. Perhaps it would help if up front you clarify that you are looking for friendship. Of course, some of the best long term romances began as friendships, right? Good luck, GG

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