Ask Gabby Gayle

gabbygayle

By Gayle Lagman-Creswick

Dear Gabby Gayle:  As a widow and soon to be 73, I would like to try a safe dating site. Although I am healthy and very active, I find it very difficult to meet men … it’s been six years since I lost my beloved. Any advice? Thanks. Signed, JMGH

Dear JMGH: While I cannot recommend a specific dating site, I would like to give some cautionary advice. I believe there are scammers trying to invade every dating site. I have heard from readers who have found them on many sites. I myself have met several would-be scammers. They are everywhere. While I was doing a speaking engagement, a gentleman told me that his mother had been scammed out of $17,000 by her online lover. I even found a would-be-scammer on my online game “Words With Friends.” There are romantic scammers everywhere, trying to take advantage of a person’s loneliness and lack of male attention. I have not heard from one man who was scammed, although I believe they are out there. When you decide on a dating site, do not give out your email address or telephone number, never send them money, stick to local people. If they won’t meet you in a public place for coffee, they are probably a scammer. Do not accept a friend on Facebook whom you do not know. There is one very common romantic scammer: They claim to be a doctor working for the  U.S. in a middle east country. They are widowed with a teenage child usually in a boarding school somewhere. I have been collecting the different scenarios for a book and they are plentiful. They really know how to sweet talk lonely women who are their main targets. Thank you for letting me use your letter as a way to reach others who may be targets! Good luck. GG

Dear Gabby Gayle:  My friend volunteers at a home for boys which caters to gay and transgender kids. I told her that she is putting her stamp of approval on their behavior by helping them. What do you think? Signed, MG

Dear MG:  I have a feeling this letter is from someone who knows that I volunteer at such a home. However, I choose to answer it because there are others who probably feel the same way! First of all, being gay or transgender is not a behavior, it is the way you are wired. Second, I operate on the assumption that there was never born a person who was meant to be loved less than any other. Third, I have not been appointed judge of any person. GG

Dear Gabby Gayle:  My dad is going through his second childhood, I think. He got on one of those dating sites and found a woman he says he loves. He is 80 years old! She is 82. Now they want to get married and my sister and I are in a state of shock. Our brothers don’t see anything wrong with it.

My dad has been a widower for 10 years and got along just fine. Could it be that he is getting dementia? Please advise. Signed, GH and PH.

Dear GH and PH:  It seems to be a common thread for adult children to think their elderly parents have lost their minds if the parent finds love at a late age. That is a mystery to me. Love does not have an age limit! When I worked in a retirement community we had a couple who married at 95. They were a beautiful couple and would invite me to their monthly anniversary party. They would tell me: “At our age we celebrate our anniversary by the month!” Love can heal ailments I believe. Love makes aging way more pleasant. While love of family is wonderful, it does not compare with romantic love. Romantic love can be the difference in what makes you want to get up in the morning! I hope that you can rejoice in your dad’s finding a new love. Embrace it. He deserves to be happy, don’t you think? Good luck! GG

If you have a question for Gabby Gayle, please send it to lagmancreswick@gmail.com.

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