Ask Gabby Gayle



By Gayle Lagman-Creswick

Dear Gabby Gayle: The world is opening up, and I am not ready.  I have pretty much stayed home from March to present, even before we had to. I am a retired healthcare worker, and I have kept up with all the science. I am on a chemotherapy drug, and I know my immunity is already threatened. All my friends are ready to toss off the veil of safety and go out on the town. I tell them I am not ready. I really miss my social life too. Are you ready, Gabby? Give me some sensible advice, please! Signed, Fraidy-cat?

Dear Cat: When is the right time to venture out? That question is being asked by many people now, especially older or immune- compromised persons. It seems to me every state is different and every person is different. What I am doing is one-by-one engaging with family members. I still do not attend large group functions because my doctor advised me not to. I practice social distancing and I wear a mask if I am going to come in contact with others. I am lunching with one person – my daughter – and we sit outside and sit on opposite sides of a big table. I cannot tell you what to do. Perhaps you can ask your doctor’s opinion. Remember, it sounds as if this virus is going to be around for quite a while. At some point we will have to venture out.  My advice to myself is to move slowly and take reasonable precautions. Be well. GG

 Dear Gabby Gayle: My husband and I have been married for 40 years this month. I don’t feel like celebrating. It has not been a grand time. When we were both working, things went fairly well. We both took early retirement, regretfully. Once we were together everyday things began falling apart at the seams. Then the pandemic hit and we really had too much togetherness. I have looked deeply into my soul and said to myself, “Why did I ever stay married to this guy?” We agree on very little … even politics! I want to leave him. I told my best friend and she said, “Why now, after all these years?” I told her that I was a slow learner.  Then she said, “Ask Gabby.” So here I am! Signed, Enough!

Dear Enough: I agree with you that it is not too late to leave a bad situation. However, since you have invested 40 years into it, why don’t you try some marriage counselling? Find a good therapist and both of you go to see if there is something to save. You will either learn some new ways of living together, or you will gain some knowledge on peaceable parting. Good luck. GG

Dear Gabby Gayle: I am a 55-year-old male who has no family. I have met a woman who is single but has a huge family. She has four grown children and a slew of grandchildren. I admit that I do not understand this family stuff. She is a great gal and I do love her, but I don’t know about sharing her with all this family. Her family seems to welcome me, and they always want to hug me. It makes me uncomfortable. I am not used to this stuff.  Should I just shut up and make the best of it, or should I run fast in the other direction? Signed, Hesitant

Dear Hesitant: This is the way I see it: Loving her is not enough. Can you love her family too, and welcome them into your life and learn how rewarding it is to be part of a loving family? Or are you going to resent every time she wants to be with her family? If so, it will not work! It is not easy for someone who has not had close family ties to change into a family guy. Do you like children? It sounds as if her family is willing to welcome you, but they will quickly change their minds if they sense you do not want them to be a part of their mother’s life. Good luck! GG






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