Laughing Matters

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Pregnant at 61?
Submitted by Larry Anderson
A woman went to the doctor’s office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.

After listening, he had her sit down in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard.

“What’s the matter with you?” The older doctor demanded. “Mrs. Terry is 61 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?”
The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said, “Does she still have the hiccups?”

Dear Mom
Submitted by Kimberly Ray
A mom visited her son for dinner. During the course of the meal, she couldn’t help but notice how pretty his female roommate was. The mother had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, as she watched the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between them than met the eye.

Reading his mom’s thoughts, the son volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates.”

About a week later, his roommate came to him and said, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the silver plate. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?”

He doubted it, but he said he’d email her just to be sure.

He sat down and wrote:

Dear Mother:
I’m not saying that you did take the silver plate from my house and I’m not saying that you didn’t take it, but it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Your Son

Several days later, he received an email from his mother that read:
Dear Son,
I’m not saying that you do sleep with your roommate, and I’m not saying that you don’t sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow.

Love, Mom

My college days
Submitted by Bob Breazeale
Recently, my brother and I were reminiscing about our college days in the late ’60s. There were some really good bumper stickers and T-shirts back then. We all remember “Honk if you’re horny” and “Make love, not war.” Here are some others you may remember:
Honk if you’re horny. Think honk if you’re telepathic.
Kiss me twice. I’m schizophrenic.
I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Clones are people two.
Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
Wernher von Braun settled for a V2 when he could have had a V8.
Walt Disney is in suspended animation.
Mr. Spock wears vulcanized rubbers.
Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddy wookie.
Van Allen wore suspenders.
Thor was a flasher.
Alfred Wegener was a drifter.
Carl Sagan was a secret astrologer.
White dwarf seeks red giant for binary relationship.
Polymer physicists are into chains.
Watson and Crick were into acid.
Why is no lifeguard at the gene pool?
Oscillating between career choices? Become a wave mechanic.
LA residents, be the first in your neighborhood to own a set of tectonic plates.
Microbiology lab: staph only!
The meek may inherit the earth, but the rest of us will escape to the stars.